Note: The author used the characters found within this story without the permission of the creators, distributers, etc. of Stargate SG-1. However, she used them with love and care and a great deal of respect for the show and its characters. Any characters found within that aren't from SG-1 are her original characters of her own creation. Please ask permission before using those such characters.
Inner Demons-Jack
Colonel Jack O'Neill looked over at the children in amazement, shaking his head as they disappeared. "I'm seein' things," he muttered to himself. He looked up as someone sat next to him. "And I'm really not liking what I'm seeing."
Lieutenant Colonel Bert Samuels smiled wryly. "Oh, well. I'm not moving."
"That's the only thing I've ever liked about you, Samuels. You're stubborn as hell."
Samuels smiled again. "That's me," he said. "Stubborn to a fault."
Jack closed his eyes, thinking of Charlie. He had liked to Jaci. He did blame himself. He couldn't keep himself from blaming himself, either.
Samuels looked over. "The blame game?" he guessed.
"How'd you know?"
"I saw you talking to Jacinda." Samuels paused for a minute. "She still blames herself, doesn't she?"
"Not any more," Jack replied, a satisfied smirk on his face.
"You're going to be really good for her, I have a feeling," Samuels predicted.
"I hope you're right," Jack said, letting it slip out before he could stop himself.
Samuels laughed. "I knew I could get you to say that," he said.
"Self-righteous, arrogant twit."
"Again, that's me."
"You're just gonna agree with everything I say, aren't you?" Jack asked testily.
"Probably," Samuels agreed.
"If only everyone else would agree about my blame, I'd be happy," Jack muttered under his breath.
"You cannot blame yourself for your son's death," Samuels said softly.
"I damn well can. I damn well do."
"And you damn well better stop it before Jacinda goes crazy and attacks you with a baseball bat," Samuels said, trying to get Jack to smile.
It worked. Jack smiled faintly. "It's not so easy, Samuels. I mean, my kid accidentally shot himself with my gun. You hear that? My gun."
"My wife was driving her car when Natalie died. Doesn't make her responsible for it."
"She says you think it does," Jack retorted.
"I needed someone to blame besides myself, so I turned to her. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it back then. I went through a dark period in my life."
"So did she," Jack reminded Samuels.
"Only difference is, she had you to turn to. I didn't have anyone."
"Guess we have someone in common," Jack said bitterly. "Sara left me. At first, I didn't have anyone to turn to."
Samuels studied Jack intently for a minute. "Blame sucks," he finally commented.
"No kidding," Jack said, laughing, surprised by Samuels' comment.
"Don't blame yourself anymore. Do it for Jaci. She loves you. She wants to see you happy, and it hurts her to see you in the pain of blame."
Jack looked at Samuels. In that instant, he knew. He had continued blaming himself not because he particularly felt responsible-although he did-but because the pain was something familiar, something he knew and recognized. It was unnecessary. He didn't need blame to remember Charlie.
Jack stood. "I've got to go," he said. "I've got a lot of thinking to do."
Samuels rose. "Good luck, Jack," he said softly. "I hope your thinking leads you to the right conclusion."
The two men looked at each other warily for a few minutes before doing something that surprised them both. They hugged.
Jack stepped back. "Tell anyone about that and die."
"Got it, sir," Samuels said, giving Jack a mock salute as he sat back down.
Charlie walked next to Jack. "I knew you'd do it one of these days, Dad," he said. "Natalie and I always knew you two would do it."
Jack looked at Charlie. He ruffled his son's hair lightly and hugged him. "Be good, Charlie. Take care of Natalie for me, all right?"
"I will, Dad." Charlie laughed. "Major Kawalsky's got his hands full with her. He'll welcome someone else trying to control her."
"Kawalsky?"
"Yeah. There's a bunch of us that talk. Him, me, Natalie, and Armin Selig."
Jack's lips quirked into a smile at the last name. "How's Armin doing?"
"A little peeved that Samuels adopted his son, but..." Charlie shrugged, smiling.
Jack finally turned and walked away, secure in the knowledge that his inner demons had been pushed back, that he'd come close to defeating them.
Maybe one of these days, I will.